Learning to redefine enough

learning to redefine enough davia

When I tell people that I’m an introvert... everyone seems to be so shocked.  Going so far as to say that I “ooze” confidence. (I’m pretty sure I don’t want to “ooze” anything… if I did, I’d need to get that checked out)

But it’s in those moments that I feel like one of the biggest frauds. Like some of you, I’ve learned to turn it “ON.” Be what they need me to be. Make them feel comfortable. Smile, shake hands, do the awkward small talk, and hope I don’t say anything weird. Then I leave, exhausted…wishing I had just found a quiet corner for the night.

Unfortunately, I've always felt a strong need to create a persona around new people, especially as a child who was forced to move around a lot. Sadly, I didn’t learn how to turn it off.  Instead of refueling, I used my persona as a boundary and became what others needed me to be. I became so insecure and believed that people would like my persona better than the real me… so I kept it going. If I let go, they’d realize how big of a fraud I was. They'd know that I wasn’t as funny, pretty, or smart as I made them believe.

They’d know that I wasn’t enough.

I believed the lie that I wasn’t good enough for years. It left me with a lot of achievements (as I tried to prove my worth) but few close relationships. After being picked apart for years, I finally got tired (or had a mini-break down, however you want to put it) and decided to make a change. 

I was done with trying to live up to everyone else's expectations but my own. 

I wanted to stop worrying about what everyone thought or said about me. I wanted to be me without reservation and redefine what it meant to be enough as a daughter, sister, and woman..

Learn that it was ok for me to say, “no.” 

Learn that it was ok for me to break the rules. 

Learn that it was ok for me to forego the expectations imposed on me.

Learn that it was ok for me to be unapologetic about being Davia.

I wanted to #RedefineEnough... and decided that...

I am always enough when this body of fire and glow is gentle, ferocious, intelligent, curious, emotional, reserved, selfless, impatient, needy, or independent. I'm enough when I am any of these. I can be human, unapologetically. 

How do you #RedefineEnough ?