Letters to my Ex: Choosing myself

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I don’t know what made me fall for him. He was a culmination of everything I never asked for and for some odd reason; it was strangely comforting to me. 

Within a few months, I let my guard down and granted him entry into the most vulnerable places of my world. And as quickly as we allowed our lives to intertwine, it was over.

It was over.

I gave someone the honor of knowing me fully… and they violated my trust.

I withdrew. I mourned. I raged. I broke. I collected the pieces, put them away, hoping that one day, they’d feel like me again.

But they never did.

Those pieces held his imprint and I didn’t know how to hold that. I tried to force it but it never felt “right.” We wasted time and energy holding onto pieces that no longer had a place in either of our lives.  Honestly, I’m still trying to forgive myself for that.

I silenced the inner voice that said, “Let it go.” I took him along for the ride as I tried to make it work but deep down, we knew it was over.

As I look back, I wish that I trusted my voice earlier… but I got there. I let go. I rest easier these days and that’s nice.

I still wish him the best but I take pride in learning to choose myself.

So here’s the "letter to my ex" that’s long over due…

Rico,

I forgive you.

I still pray for you and truly wish the best for you.

I'm sorry for holding on when I should have let go...

Remember that your worth is not determined by others. You have a gift to share, so keep writing.

To the moon and back.

-N.N.